No matter how much I tried to study, I couldn’t keep up. And because I had already decided that I was dumb, I felt the studying was useless. So I began to differ on studying and just wallow. I ditched classes and I gained even more weight. This became the heaviest I had ever been: 230 pounds and though I grew to be 5’8”, I was 5’4” at that time. I ate my feelings away and just decided that I was unlovable and stupid and I didn’t belong.
In eighth grade I became suicidal. One day I went into my parents medicine cabinet and took a full bottle of Advil. Yup, Advil. All I ended up with was a really bad stomach ache. It was a cry for help. I remember I told a teacher of mine “what happens if you take a lot of Advil?” and he looked at me and said “you’ll probably do a lot of kidney damage and have a really bad stomach ache.” I was asking for help and didn’t know it.
My first experience with Amphetamines was at the age of 15. They were prescribed to me in the form of “fen-phen”. This was a highly popular drug back in the mid to late 90s to help people lose weight. So I took it and I lost weight, effortlessly. My addiction to food was curbed by this fantastic, magical drug. I felt what I recognize now was a false sense of power, fueled by the drugs inside my body and the upsurge of dopamine and serotonin in my brain.
And so my 20 year love affair with amphetamines began. I gave it all of my power. And I made it mean that I was not in my charge of my body, the drugs were. That I didn’t have the power to lose weight, only the drugs did. That without the drugs, I was not able to be thin. Oh Cam, I love you. That could not have been further from the truth, clearly, look at you now. But back then, I didn’t have the tools or the understanding or knowing to believe any different.
So fast forward to today, where I have poured all my learnings, healing work, mirror work, inner child work, and self love work into creating a transformational program that will help you heal your definition of beauty and transform how you relate to the mirror
. Help you look at yourself and LOVE yourself. Help you look at yourself and feel empowered instead of defeated. I’m calling this program “Beauty of You”. Learn More Here